Boy did I sound pitiful in the last post or what? I’m feeling better and am back in the groove. I read the chapter over and over again trying to think of what I want to say. I did the exercises in my journal and can happily conclude that I know what I like. Finally. It has taken years to figure out and it feels fabulous. I have an inkling of my dream and I truly believe I can make it happen if I don’t sabotage myself.
So what really hit home for me is the creating a space. It is reclaiming the space I have and making it special. As I have mentioned, I have my own studio. But then everything is just organized in there. I have some art on the walls but overall it is very uninspiring. So I am going to take a corner of the window ledge and make an alter/shrine. Anyone know if there is a difference between them? Alter seems more religious so maybe I’m going for a shrine? That is my project for tonight and the rules are that I cannot buy anything to add to it. I can only use stuff that I already own. Then I’ll post some pictures of it.
Feel free to leave advice and tips of what you have done to create a shrine.
Would it be silly to say I’m scared? I was so eager to post last week but this time I’m procrastinating. On Friday I opened my computer and read Jamie’s post. My first reaction was “I’ll do it when I have the time to reflect”, then “There’s no rush, I have all week”, then “I need to re-read and I need the quiet to do that”, then…. Finally I sat down and admit to myself: I’m scared of what will come from this. What if I do all this work and I’m still just a poser? What if I admit this all to the world and people I know find this blog? What if you just feel sorry for me and that’s the only reason you are nice to me? So many what ifs…
So what if I quit? What if I give up on myself without even trying? What if I’m in the same place 10 years from now? What if this helps me? What if I make connections with others? What if people know me a little better? What if I’m great?
Then I have to do something about it. My world changes.
And you know what? I’m ready for that.
It’s week 1 of the book discussion that I mentioned in the previous post. The book is The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women: a portable memtor by Gail McMeekin. I bought this book last summer and wasn’t thrilled about it. It had great content but there wasn’t any pictures or colors to keep my focus. So I was thrilled when Jamie was focusing on this book. I really want to study it further and get other’s thoughts on it. I almost didn’t sign up to participate but realized that I was just being scared. So I’m doing it! (Hi everyone that came from the group!)
The first secret is acknowledging your creative self. I feel that I was a creative child. I loved to do crafts and often saved things from around the house that had potential to be created into something else. I was signed up for various classes after school and tried screen printing, clay making and painting. I moved to Massachusetts in 7th grade and that is when it really stopped. I was in chorus but it was because my friends were. I hated art class because it was very structured and I cannot draw realistically. I discovered boys and that was it until I was pregnant with my first child.
I taught myself to knit from a book. I never made it further than the skills to make a funny looking scarf though. I moved to Arizona and had another child. With this pregnancy I taught myself crochet. It seemed easier to me and I occasionally made things. However the weather isn’t conducive to knits so I stopped.
Life got messy and I didn’t have time to think more about creating and myself. It wasn’t until I was alone and pregnant again that I starting thinking about what would make me happy. I started taking classes to get a degree in Interior Design. I started dating my future husband and he was much more understanding that I needed something to fulfill myself. Fast forward a couple of years… I stopped taking classes about halfway through my second year of classes (I was going part time) because it wasn’t creative enough. It was very technical and structured and nothing like I imagined. But I learned some of the principles of drawing, perspective, color theory etc.
All of this to say that I’m still learning to acknowledge my creative self but it is much easier than before. Now I know what I’m missing and I just need to figure out my method, my way, my style. I feel like when I became a mother, I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I was giving away so much of myself that I needed a way to fill myself back up. I dabbled until I found blogs and realized that other people live this way. It was okay to think these thoughts and it was normal.
I no longer feel guilty and selfish for needing to create. I do need to work on giving myself time (I have a 7 month old) but I have given myself space. The house we live in now has an office space. I claimed it for myself and put all my “stuff” in it. It is a great room and I have consciencely made the effort to call it my studio rather than office.
I have never considered myself a writer and actually really dislike writing. I feel that it takes too long to get my thoughts down on paper and make it understandable by others. But I have acknowledged that I am a writer to some degree. I have kept a diary since I was 10ish and now write daily (or almost daily) in a journal. I like that it doesn’t need to be perfect or even in full sentences. It just has to be me.
Which really leads to me the end of my thoughts. It doesn’t matter what I’m creating or how I’m creating it. It justs need to be me.
I hope you all had a great holiday season. I am actually happy that it is all done and over with. I am excited about starting the new year and getting on track. Last year I didn’t do any resolutions because I didn’t want to put any pressure on myself. As I look back at the past year I can completely understand why. I was selling our house, finding a new place to live and was pregnant. But this year is different and I have lots of fun stuff lined up.
I am participating in 101 things in 1001 days.
I am participating in an online book club.
I am doing the 35 day challenge from Body & Soul magazine.
I am trying really hard not to over commit though. There are tons of stuff that I would also like to do.
Once I finish my 101 list and figure out how to add it here I will. Or I’ll type it in; which ever happens first.
Have a great day!
Where did all the days go? I failed at my challenge but I tend to over estimate my abilities. I refuse to beat myself up over it and choose to move on and love myself. It has been a tough month. Nothing huge has happened but little things that add up and suck the joy out of life. Is that mellow dramatic enough?
I signed up to have a table at a holiday shopping night at my boy’s school. I now have 4 weeks to get my act together and get everything made. See, I tend to jump without thinking. But I figure that even if I don’t sell anything then at least the items will be ready to list on etsy. I ordered some business cards that can also be used for tags or even make into stickers. (If a Xyron machine falls into my lap)
But I’m at work so I’ll try to write more later.
I had a very accomplished weekend. Some of the projects on my to-do list were finished plus extras. Of course nothing that made a dent on my etsy shop but I am happy that I am finally having energy to do something. I have been sick for about a month and very against going to see the doctor. I’m trying to let it run it’s course. So… what did I do?
- made a black apple doll that was on the Martha Stewert site.
- made 12″ of crochet trim.
- complete a page for Crowabout Collage.
- packaged magnetic purse snaps for my shop.
It doesn’t seem like much when written out. But it was all done between taking care of 5 children, cooking home-cooked meals, laundry and baking 4 dozen muffins for work. And I went through the boys clothes to give away the articles that are too small for them. Am I the only one that keeps the items that can be used for crafts? I kept a great waffle knit camoflauge that will make a great gift.
We also took out the bouncy horse that the baby was too small for a couple of weeks ago. His feet now reach the floor and he has figured out that it neighs if he kicks. Jeremy tried to get a picture of when the baby fell asleep in it but couldn’t find my camera. (I was sleeping in!)
We have been up late watching the Red Sox play in the playoffs. It has seriously screwed up our sleeping habits and I cannot wait for it to be over. The baby loves to watch them play and we tested this theory. We will turn on a game and he sits there enthralled but when we change the channel he turns away and couldn’t care less. It is adorable and I have to say my favorite moment last night is when I looked over at them and they both had the same profile while watching the game. And now they are sleeping while pretending to watch the game.
I’ve starting thinking about my christmas gift ideas. We have started a tradition with Jeremy’s immediate family of choosing a theme each year and getting gifts within that theme. Last year we chose media. It was great to have limited ideas and we really had to think about that person and what they would enjoy. We got great books, movies and games. It really reduces the amount of toys too. This year our theme is hobbies. The point to get a theme that is broad enough so we don’t get duplicates but narrow enough to guide us. I’m really hoping for a homemade theme one year but I realize that it will be hard for others that aren’t as crafty as I am. Of course, they could buy homemade and I’m going to push for it next year.
I missed a couple of days but I’m not letting that deter me from jumping back on and getting it done.
I didn’t forget! I promise! I thought that I would talk a little about my favorite blogs. I haven’t set up my blogroll yet but thought I would share my favorites. These are the ones that I check everyday even if I only have a few minutes.
Now there are many others that read on a regular basis but these are my all time faves. What I also did was have a different list for home and for work. That way I can kind of have new entries to read no matter where I am. I also have to admit that I might check several times to see if there is something new… but that is only if I am bored at work.
I’m going to get back to watching the VP debate and see you all tomorrow!